Deity, Paganism, Sabbats

My Polytheism

I identify as a polytheistic Pagan.

My polytheism is still growing, still solidifying. It may never be finished; I kind of hope it won’t be, ever. Then it would become stagnant. I called this place “Finding the Path” for a reason. I’m finding my own path here in the wild, because all the others that have been cleared and built by other people aren’t necessarily my path. I’ve walked them with others for a while, but in the end I have to make my own way. And that’s okay.

My polytheism currently treads the line somewhere between devotional and relational, because it can’t quite seem to decide which it wants to be… I can’t seem to decide. I still have some problems figuring out what polytheist worship looks like. I still carry some baggage from my Christian–Baptist–upbringing. I don’t know how to pray and not sound like I’m praying to the Christian God. Does it really matter? I suppose it does, if it matters to me. I don’t know yet how to speak to a deity that is older, wiser, and more powerful than myself, but not necessarily omniscient. I’ve been Pagan for twenty years, but I spent a lot of that time trying to walk this established path or that one. I spent that time trying to understand deities from a variety of perspectives and never asking myself what I thought, how I understood them, or what they meant to me.

I’m working on doing that now, but it’s slow going, because I’m also working on my mundane life. Grad school starts in two weeks, whoo hoo!

I’m working on detaching my understanding of religion both from Christianity, and from the anchor of Wicca that seems to pervade a great deal of Pagan religions. Part of that includes crafting a cycle of holidays that mean something to me, as a modern polytheistic Pagan.

My polytheism involves learning what it means to be a privileged white girl who was called (rather insistently) by a Santerian/La Lucumi Regla spirit/deity. Doing so has led to so many powerful understandings about myself and the world I live in, and not all of them (in fact, hardly any of them) comfortable. Yet, I am grateful for it, too.

Yemaya
Yemaya.

My polytheism involves reading blog posts from other polytheists (Pagan and non), and mulling over their ideas. I’m sure there are some people who think of me as an annoyingly active bee buzzing around, but the truth is that most of what I read, I don’t comment on unless I’m moved to emotionally. Sometimes that emotion is anger, but sometimes it’s an awe so profound that I can’t really say anything other than “thank you so much for posting this.” That happens a lot on the Magick from Scratch blog.

Right now, my polytheism involves a lot of reading, seeking, and questioning. Seeing what others do, to give myself an idea, a framework. Thinking. A lot of thinking. Devotional prayers every night. Trying to get a handle on this meditation thing, which has never been my strongest suit but which I feel called to at least keep trying.

My polytheism is a work in progress, and that’s okay. I post about it here when moved to do so because I think seeing the process is just as useful as seeing the finish product. I hope that one day I might be able to help someone else the way a lot of my Pagan and polytheist friends have helped me.

The one thing my polytheism does not include, and never will include, is telling other people what their polytheism should look like.

–Celestine

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